Risking Existence
by AZ1087653
Summary: She was loved, that was an undying fact. If she wasn't then why were they all risking existence to say good-bye?


Finding out that Elisabeth Sladen passed on was like finding out a friend had gone. I grew up watching her and Tom Baker on the telly on Saturday mornings while my father folded the laundry. She died so young and left one heck of a legacy, for no companion is more beloved than hers in the Doctor Who universe. This story is dedicated to Elisabeth for all the joy she brought to me and countless others while she brought Sarah Jane Smith to life in front of our eyes.

/GG/

**Risking Existence**

11

He knew he was there, multiple times, which was not allowed; at least where others were concerned. How many times he was there, he didn't know. After all, he had no idea how many times he was going to be able to regenerate after his entire species had been wiped out.

Amy stood next to him with a somber look on her face. How he wished he had been able to introduce his new best friend to his old best friend. How many best friends did he have? He'd lost count. Rory stood by holding Amy's hand, face also downcast. It wasn't very often he chose a 'couple' to be his companions, but these two hadn't let him down, so he considered himself lucky.

The nameless one watched as the boy, Luke, stared into oblivion as the kind words were spoken. He knew this boy was born with no one and now he had lost his mother, so he was alone again. How hard that must be, but the Doctor knew all too well, how it felt to be alone in the universe.

6

He hadn't had the chance to meet her in his current form, but that didn't mean he didn't remember her with all of his hearts. He knew he had broken many laws to come to her final resting place since others before him had been with her in the flesh, while he just had a memory, like a faded picture, in his mind.

Peri held his hand and wept, even though the brash American had never met her either. It wasn't very often the Doctor went to visit his former companions as they were laid to rest within the earth. Peri had insisted on coming, being there for moral support. The Doctor didn't know what to think, after all it was just a few months prior, in Earth's timeline, that his long time comrade Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart had passed on of old age. This was different though, Sarah Jane had passed on before her time, much like Adric had so far in the past.

3

He couldn't believe it, his Sarah Jane was gone. Though he couldn't really call her his, she began her journey with him. He recalled how she had snuck into the TARDIS and went head to head with the Sontarans at his side. In his timeline, his Sarah Jane was still in the Tardis, probably picking through the library. How strange it was to know that he would leave her, here in the ground, but return to her as if the entire thing was a dream.

The high council was probably having a field day with this, for if he knew his former selves, and he did, they were probably there too. Completely out of sight of one another and worried about the same thing. He let part of his mind wonder for a moment about why he didn't remember visiting in any of his former selves, but one can never be too sure what one's mind will remember or forget with any regeneration.

9

How he had loved her, like the sister he never had. It had taken a bribe to get Rose to stay behind while he took a quick jaunt across space and time to see his friend and comrade buried just a short time after Lethbridge-Stewart had passed. Rose didn't know about any of his other companions, and he wanted to keep it that way. Seeing his former companions reminded him of all that had changed, and it was too painful to remember.

What he remembered right now was Sarah Jane's laugh and her smile. Always asking questions and getting into trouble, her. Just like a good companion should. This brought a smile to his face and a tear to his eye as he watched her being lowered into the ground. Sarah Jane wouldn't have wanted people to cry, she would have wanted them to remember the good times.

1

He stood with his granddaughter by his side, watching the young lady being lowered into the ground. The Doctor had only met her that once, since Borusa had just decided to have him and four others play the Game of Rassilon. Even then it wasn't really enough to get a good idea of who she was, but that third one, he knew and cared for her. That was more than enough for the Doctor to stay in one place for over a year so he could say a proper good-bye to someone he'd not yet met.

Susan stood by his side, eyes welling up in tears; after all she had just met the woman too. They weren't even able to get back to where they had left off before being sent to Earth. Rassilon must have had a hand in it, because the Doctor had no control over the TARDIS, or maybe it was the TARDIS herself who had managed to get them to where they needed to go. Either way, he was glad he had known his future companion, even if for a moment.

5

Adric had just passed on, leaving Nyssa and Tegan in his care. Lethbridge-Stewart just a short time prior. Sometimes he didn't like that he could jump timelines because it made it even harder when he ended up with one death right after the next. The Doctor was sure he had seen the short little space hobo skulking around near the edge of the cemetery with a couple of people he could vaguely remember. This was going to cause one hell of a circus with the Time Lords.

He didn't care though, for to him his companions were more important. He didn't show up at most of their deaths, so he wasn't so sure what made this one so special. Perhaps it was because he had ended up just leaving her, far from home, and never returned to see her like he had wanted to. All he knew was that part of his hearts knew he belonged there, with all of his others, watching his dear friend be placed to rest.

?

River had insisted they come, even though he had seen it so many times before. He'd lost count as to how many times he remembered this exact scene; him, possibly some companions, watching Luke and the strange man (him) say good-bye to one of the most beautiful people in the universe. Others were there too, not in hiding. Captain Jack had shown up, though he was incognito. Gwen, her husband Rhys, and their child were there, sitting next to Micky and Martha.

The other kids were there too; Clyde and Rani, Maria and her father. How this woman, Sarah Jane Smith, was loved. She would have been surprised to see how many of him had shown up for this. He knew that every single prior incarnation was there, even if in hiding. This caused him to smile because he knew he always would and always had loved her, even if he hadn't met her yet.

8

How strange it was for him to leave America and end up watching his beloved companion being put into the ground. Such a beautiful sight to behold, with all of her friends in attendance. Such a sad sight to behold, as yet another one had died before her time. He wished he'd had a companion at the time because it was hard to be here alone watching the sight unfold. Sometimes you just didn't get so lucky.

Over to his right he could make out his fourth, with his overly curly hair and huge teeth. In the case of all that was going on, he knew he shouldn't even try to make eye contact. The Doctor had just wanted to stop by before heading off to Gallifrey. The council had told him the Daleks were up to something and he needed to report, after all, he was the President.

2

He wanted to tell the boy, Jamie, to stop fidgeting. It wasn't proper to be so uppity at a funeral. Then again, when had Jamie ever listened to him; rarely. He hadn't seen the girl but once, or at least he knew he was going to meet her. He remembered his prior incarnation coming to visit this funeral and knew he needed to try and get there too. Was it fair to make Jamie and Zoe spend almost eight months on Earth while they had waited; probably not. Was it worth it; most definitely.

From fragmented memories he knew he would be meeting this girl personally in a short time, but he didn't quite know the circumstances. Her name is, was, would be Sarah Jane Smith, and he had read about her defending the Earth from invaders. She was in the TARDIS databanks as a friend in case of emergency. It had taken all he had not to go and visit her before his time to meet her, after all, he was already messing with time lines just being at her funeral.

10

Wasn't it just yesterday Sarah Jane had announced she had a son? He believed so. Wasn't it also just yesterday he had lost his best friend Donna? He didn't quite know anymore. That was the problem with time being a big ball of timey-wimey stuff. Sometimes he didn't know what was forward or backward to those who didn't have access to time travel.

The Brigadier had just died too, in his sleep, if he remembered. Not his Sarah Jane though. She had fought all manner of aliens, lived through all of the chaos his life brought, and what took her from life? Cancer.

Luke was sitting with a mountain of people, or he would go introduce himself in person. The odds were though, the Doctor would end up meeting him at a later time. He could never keep track of his life because he lived outside of the human timeline. Even though he was watching his best friend, one of his best friends, being lowered into the ground, that didn't mean he wouldn't run into her the next day, completely full of life and ready to take on the world.

7

It was surreal watching his former companion's funeral. He never would have thought he would go to such an event, especially with Ace at his side. She could always find something to blow up, even if there was nothing that required such a demise. Bringing his current companion to a funeral when she was c-4 happy wasn't the smartest thing. Then again, having any companions at all wasn't the smartest thing.

He knew his other selves were there watching the last of their friend. She knew a number of companions who weren't even aware of who this special lady was, were watching their incarnation of the Doctor try and put on a brave front. It was hard though, putting on such a front. He loved each and every one of his companions, and it never got any easier when one passed away. He looked at Ace with a sad look marring his features. She could spend the rest of her life with him, but he wouldn't ever be able to spend the rest of his life with her, or any other companion, past of present.

4

The last time he had seen her played in his mind, over and over again. She was wearing that little red and white jumper after helping Eldrad find his/her way home. He knew how she felt about him, but never would have returned the feeling because he just couldn't stand the thought of watching someone he 'loved' die. The problem was, he was always watching someone he loved die. That was the price of being a Time Lord; those who aren't the same as you die and you get to watch. Rather a poor exchange.

This was difficult to stomach, especially since he had just left her looking fine and healthy. Quite the detour after being called back to Gallifrey. All of him were probably there, risking existence as it were, to see this beautiful person being sent to her reward. Someone must have been on their side for an implosion not to have occurred, especially with nameless Doctors everywhere, watching the same thing he was watching.

In this case, it was worth it to risk existence, because he loved this woman with all of his hearts. Even if he couldn't have shown her while they traveled, he had shown up in force to show her now. Sarah Jane Smith, you are worth risking existence for.


End file.
